How to Make Friends as an Adult Man

Somewhere between school, work, relationships, and responsibilities, a lot of men realize they don't have many close friends anymore. If that's you, you're in very good company, and it's fixable.

Why it gets harder

As kids, friendship came from proximity and repetition: the same people, every day, with time to kill. Adult life rarely provides that automatically. You have to create it.

Choose recurring things

One-off events rarely lead to friendship. Look for things that meet weekly or monthly:

• A sports league, climbing gym, or running club
• A volunteer crew, community garden, or local service group
• A class: woodworking, cooking, language, music
• A faith community or neighborhood group, if that fits you

Be the one who follows up

Most people are waiting for someone else to make the first move. Suggest a coffee after the session. Send the message after the game. It feels risky, but most people are glad to be asked.

Reconnect, too

Old friends count. A message to someone you've lost touch with often lands better than you expect. "Been thinking about the old days — how are you doing?" is a perfectly good opener.

Go for depth over time

Real friendship grows when you let people know you a little. Share something honest, and be someone who listens when they do the same.

Practice here

The Friendship & Social Life Support Circle is a good place to talk through what's working, what isn't, and to hear from men who've rebuilt their social life.

This article shares general information and perspective, not professional advice.